Kid jokes
How do you punish Helen Keller? You stick a toilet plunger in the toilet.
Why can't Helen Keller have kids? It went up too far.
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Remember kids, if ever you're bored, kick an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."
Gym Teacher: "That's alright."
Other Kid: "Hush!"
Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.
The police: Pull over!
The kid: Do you know who my dad is?
The police: What, your mom did not tell you?
Why was the kid's report card all wet?
Because it was below "sea" level.
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.
Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.
Kid: I want to be like Batman.
Genie: I can make arrangements. The kid comes home, both of his parents are dead.
Genie: I told you.
Kid: .............................................
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
Ask the emo kid: "Hey, how's it hanging?"