Kid

Kid jokes

Cow

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

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  • Diarrhea

    Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

    When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

    I said, "I shit you not."

    Teacher

    So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

    A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

    Dark Humor

    Kid: "What's dark humor?"

    Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

    Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

    Mom: "Exactly."

    Memes

    Depression

    You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

    Michael Jackson

    When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

    Emo kid

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

    You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

    Sister

    Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

    Kid 1: "As if."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

    Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

    Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

    Orphan

    Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

    Teacher. What?

    Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

    Teacher. Why water?

    Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

    Emo kid

    Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

    Shower

    Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

    Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

    The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

    Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

    The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

    Penis

    One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

    The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

    Basement

    +1 like = 1 kid in my basement.

    +1 comment = 1 kid in my microwave.

    +1 share = 1 kid in my blender.

    School Shooter

    If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

    Bench

    I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

    Batman

    I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.