Kid jokes
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?
Coach.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?