Kid jokes

I was driving with my parent and shouted, "It's a superhero!" But I didn't know it was an emo kid.

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?

Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?

Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5

Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.

A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

I said, "I shit you not."

What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”

What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”

What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher. What?

Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.

Teacher. Why water?

Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."