Kid jokes

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

I pushed a disabled kid in a fire, then called him "hot wheels."

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

The depressed kid getting bullied.

The bully: "You are useless."

The depressed kid: "I know."

Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him "Sudden Lee."

Kid: "I fucked your mom."

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"

"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"

Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.

I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.