Kid

Kid jokes

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One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

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    • A kid asks his father, "How long is our trip, Dad?"

    The kid's father says, "Our trip is a Fortnite."

    How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

    What is the difference between a human and a tree and a house? Is for dinner today after school today after I have school 🏫 I have for kids dinner 🍴 was that I had dinner 🍴 night night dinner 🍴 night is what time it when we went and get the dog 🐶 night and dinner 🍴 night I love 💕 it is the one ☝️ I did not have time today.

    What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common? Firstly, they both went from black to white, and secondly, they both get turned on by kids.

    Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

    Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

    Classroom: *visible panic*

    A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.

    "What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.

    I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.

    Orphan: I want to kill my parents.

    Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that, big man.

    Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

    Orphan: What's a mama?

    Random kid: *shook*

    A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

    They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

    Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!

  • 1

    • The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

    Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

    One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

    He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

    Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

    He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

    The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

    "Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

    "Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

    The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

    "I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

    Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

    Kid: Licks money.

    Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.

    Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?