Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What's the difference between me and Bill Cosby?
I haven't been caught.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
Why am I in jail?
All I did was cause 9/11.
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because it was Batman!
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
