Jump jokes

There are 4 people on an airplane, and the pilot has a heart attack and dies. The plane is going down, and there are also only 3 parachutes. So the guy who knows how to cure cancer says, "I’m jumping. I can save many lives." Then the 46th president, Joe Biden, says, "I’m taking the 2nd one." So there is only one left. Donald Trump says to the 7-year-old girl, "I have lived a long life. You can take the next one." So the little girl says, "That’s ok; the 46th president took my backpack." Lol.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!"

Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?

Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

I'm not going bungee jumping. I was born by broken rubber, and that's not how I'm going out.

Who were the people that survived 9/11?

The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.

What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!

My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.

Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be water melon.

What do you call a bunny jumping backwards?

A receding hairline.

An old man gets a call from the IRS.

The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”