Jump jokes

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

I love jumping off cliffs.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

What did the duck do when he crossed the road?

The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀

What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?

House of Pain—"Jump Around."

What did Jessiey do?

Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do you call a group of jumping Mexicans?

Border hoppers! LOL.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped, I didn’t laugh, but the floor cracked up.

What is a Mexican's favorite move in a video game?

Wall jumping.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."