Jump jokes

What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

An emo girl jumped out of a tree at the same time a feather fell to the ground... What hit the ground first?

The feather, the girl was stopped by a rope.

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

I have a Twin Towers model in my room.

It got infested with jumping spiders.

What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?

A jump rope!

Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?

It scares the shit out of her dog.

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

Who said white people can't jump?

Look at the footage from 9/11.

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

Zero, they were copycats.

If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.