Joke jokes
When do eggs hatch?
At the CRACK of dawn!
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because I unplugged his life support to charge my phone.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
No, no, no, no. Spot the intruder.
There's no one.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
Why is the Nazi Anthem banned in Germany? Because Horst Wessel lied.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
What do you call a broken chicken?
A broken chicken.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"