Joke jokes
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
You want a pizza from me!!!!
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What's a pig's favorite ballet?
Swine Lake.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?
You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.
Did you hear about the red and blue ships that collided? All the sailors were marooned.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”