Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
Joke Jokes
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
Wanna hear a pun?
Welp, I'll punch you with one!
Aren't I badly good?
Why wasn’t the frog 🐸 crying?
Because he was hoppy.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?
The maternity ward.
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
I don't think jokes are very funny.
What's a cow's favorite thing?
A mooooovie.
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Want to hear a pun?
Well, I'll punch you with one!
I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
