What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
Joke Jokes
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What did the racist CoD player say to yo mama?
132.513.531.332
