Joke jokes
What did one twin say to the other?
"Watch out for the plane!"
What do cannibals read?
People.
Digest Readers.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Doctor Who."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
What kind of udder likes McDonald's?
Udderly unhealthy.
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
Dark humour jokes are like water; some get it, some don’t.
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?
Hi.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"