Joke jokes

My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

What is the same between water and dark jokes?

Not everyone gets it!

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

Q: What did the terrorist say during a plane flight? A: “Wow! This flight is the bomb!”

How do you surprise a blind man? Put a plunger in the toilet.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, All the worse jokes come from you.

Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he still hasn't opened it yet.

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

Bully: I wasn't talking to you.

Me: Then why are you listening?