Joke jokes
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
What a skeleton baked for the other skeleton.
A pa_pıe_rus.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...
Then we took an Arab to the knee.
I screamed "Jenga" today when watching the 9/11 documentary.
What do you call a gay guy on the BBQ?
LGBBQ.
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
Your butt is bigger than Uranus!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
Dark jokes are like kids with cancer, They never get old.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms or legs.
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.