Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
Joke Jokes
What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"9/11"
"9/11 Who?"
"I thought you'd never forget..."
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
