Joke Jokes

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-BONE!

P.S. This joke is very non-original and bad.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?

He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.

What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?

Names.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.

The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"

What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?

About 5000 calories.

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.

It's just too tear-able.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."