Joke jokes
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
I don’t make 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Me: *makes Chuck Norris meme*
Internet: *all the other memes are dead now*
Me: Well, shit.
Why is he ourple?
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Why did Helen Keller have a yellow leg?
Her dog was blind, too.
What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁