Joke jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
Chuck Norris once pissed in the tank of a semi as a joke.
It is now known as Optimus Prime.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Why did Michael Jackson rush over to K-Mart one morning?
Because he heard little boys' pants were half off!