Joke jokes
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke...
I decided to abort.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
What's black and sits on the bottom of the stairs to the cellar?
Steven Hawking where the experiments went wrong.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
Cunt.