Joke jokes
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just killed?
Isaac Newton died a virgin!😎
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor/tooter.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?
"Sum Ting Wong."
What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?
A: They both come in a little behind.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
What's an orphan's favorite flower?
Self-raising flour.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?