Joke jokes
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?” Why can’t he just speak plain English?
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
What did Santa say when he got to the club? Ho, ho, ho!
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
This is not even a joke.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Wanna hear a joke?
This site.
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
Wanna hear a mean joke?
My life.