Joke jokes
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
What did the balls say to the dick?
Hey dick, how's it hanging?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
I don't trust atoms. They always make stuff up.
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
So a blind man walks into a bar.
At least he thinks so.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
What do you get when you cross a German and a Mexican? A “BeanerSchnitzel”!
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.