Joke jokes

What do you call a snail without a shell?

Dead.

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

Why were Helen Keller's hands crippled?

From reading stop signs at fifty miles per hour.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.

What is a cow's favorite drink?

Mountain Moo!

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?

Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.

Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?

Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.

Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!

Dad: Oh, hey Brick!

What did Tennessee do?

The same thing Arkansas did.

Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?

Mother: He died.

Daughter: How did he die?

Mother: He never got recharged.

Before Marriage Boy: At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No, don't even think about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy😍

After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

I like dick.

What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.

What do you say when you see a pig making bread?

He's bacon.

Why was the asian late to class?

His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.

I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...

What's black, gold, and red all over?

Tupac in Vegas.

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road?

Because it was disabled.

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.