Joke jokes

What's the smartest crime?

3rd degree murder.

Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.

A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.

The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”

Old soviet joke.

"Who is your mother?" "Our great Soviet country." "Who is your father?" "Our dear comrade Stalin." "What's your greatest desire?" "Becoming an orphan."

My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.

I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.

My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.

Wanna hear a joke?

Feminism.

You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”

*Apple bottom jeans plays*

You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.

What do you call a guy from India calling you?

A scammer.

What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?

Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".

What do you call a banana eating a banana?

Canabananalism.

My sister told me a joke.

All she said was "my life."

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock!

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.