Joke jokes

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What is big and bouncy and walks on stilts?

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?

Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.