Joke jokes

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.

What do Civil War veterans and pedophiles have in common?

They both prefer Minnie (mini) balls.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents at first."

Here's a sex joke.

What's the best part of having sex with 28 year olds? There's 20 of them.

What’s a kid with Down syndrome's favorite candy... Grunts.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because he got stuck in a crack.

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?

A. Lemon-aid.