Joke jokes

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do you call a rich Asian?

Cha-ching!

What did one depressed kid say to the other?

Hey, wanna hang together?

Michael Jackson broke his window. What does he say? "I can't see."

I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.

The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

What did the orphan say to the other? "Quickly Robin, to the Batmobile!"

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.