Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
Joke Jokes
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".
At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3
A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. 😂😂😂
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist then.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
What do you call a fish that has a dick?
Moby Dickkkkk!
Girl: "Come over."
Orphan: "I can't."
Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"
Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.