Joke jokes
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
What’s the most artistic fruit?
Vincent mango.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
"I don't want to go on my at-home history."
- My friend, anon 2019.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
My life.
My life who?
My life is depressing...
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His shoulder.
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
My cock, lmao.