Joke jokes

Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?

A: Carlos.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.

My name is Gunter.

Gunter Gunter is dead.

Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D

I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.

Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.

Why can't blondes make ice?

They forgot the recipe.

Your head looks like a joke.

Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!

What do orphans need in order to mail letters?

Food stamps.

What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.

This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”

What’s the most artistic fruit?

Vincent mango.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.

"I don't want to go on my at-home history."

- My friend, anon 2019.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"