Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
Joke Jokes
I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"
Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."
What’s heavy, black, and can’t swim?
Ted Kennedy’s Oldsmobile Delmont 88 with Mary Jo Kopechne trapped inside.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke, but the joke was too cheesy.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
What's tall, has a twin, and is in Manhattan?
Nothing, Bin Laden destroyed them all.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.