Joke jokes
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke
/playsound pained_laugh
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)