Joke jokes
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Our teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall for no reason, so I said, "Hey wall, that ass flat like a pancake from McDonald's."
What do you call a Native American with a boner?
A redwood.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers.”
She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.
Well, I have nothing.
Say, "Crack my fingers."
Now say that backwards...
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
"Hi, my name is Robert. I have no life. Even my PS4 username is gay lil_bama."
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."