Joke jokes
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
Déjà Vat: the feeling that you’ve heard that bad joke before.
What's black and white and red all over????? A zebra in a blender!
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
Why do basketball players hate gravity?
Because it's always bringing them down.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?
Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.