Joke jokes
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it!
How do you know someone is fucking dumb?
They put jokes that have been used several times already.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
I got hit with a can of soda.
It doesn't matter, it was a soft drink.
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.