Joke jokes
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.
What did one cheek say to the other cheek?
"It is a squash in here!"
Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from this conversation?
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
There is an upside to being an orphan.
Every bag of chips is family size.
What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."