Joke jokes
What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.
Knock, knock.
Moon, give me cheese.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
What's funny about dead baby jokes? - They never get old.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "MOO!"
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
A suicide squad.
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
Spongebob: Easy now, you try first. Get a jar.
Patrick: *picks up nuke*
Spongebob: Patrick, that's a nuke!
Patrick: Yes.
Nuke: *boom*