Joke jokes
What do you call me?
Chinese?
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said only an onion can make you cry, so I brought the belt out, and she started crying.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
What kind of animal falls from the sky?
Answer: A raindeer.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
Scrolled through all of them, still haven't laughed.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?