I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.
Joke Jokes
What do eggs like doing on stage?
Cracking jokes!
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family sized.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the playground?
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
"Stop telling these orphan jokes!! Maybe some people that read these are orphans!"
I'll stop telling orphan jokes when their parents come back.
Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
Bonus joke: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.
Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!
Why did the emo kid hate the tree?
It left him hanging.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.