Joke jokes

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?

Tax credit.

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.

What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?

There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a good driver.

Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry.

Do not like, dislike, or comment on this joke.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Why can’t you play games with cats? Because they always ‘cheetah’.

Sorry for all the jokes, I'll end it.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

They call me an elevator because I let people down.

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!

This is fucked up, my name is Shaylie.

(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.

Guy: Are you tired?

His “Crush”: No.

Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?

His “Crush”: That’s sweet.

Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.