Joke jokes
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What do you call a rapper with a cold?
Lil Sneezy.
Why did the rapper become a tailor?
Because they wanted to drop some fresh THREADS.
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.
And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.
It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.
Q: What do gay horses say?
A: "Geigh!"
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
Hi, I am Emma. I'm going to Stan.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, it's impossible to PUT DOWN!