Joke jokes
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
What’s the hardest part about being a PEDO?
Fitting in.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!