Joke jokes

Mary had a little lamb.

Key word is had, her dad's favorite meat is a human!

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts make a right.

Two mates walk into a bar.

Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"

Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."

Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"

Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."

Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"

Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?

What are Mexicans' favorite sport?

Cross-country

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

My life is a joke.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."

Why do orphans always get picked on?

They can't run and tell their parents.

What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.

Why couldn't Bob hang himself?

Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.