Job jokes

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?

The mailman goes home at the end of the day.

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

Why is Job good at Minecraft? Because he is noob, noob, noob, noob, noob. NOOB!

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"

I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.

Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I've done a ton of work today.

A SKELE-ton of work!

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job? Snoozin' B. Anthony!

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.

There’s no hope.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.

That is just plain wrong.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.