Job jokes
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."
Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,
"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."
And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.
Why do asses make terrible spies?
Because they always CRACK under pressure.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Why is a waiter good at math?
Because he knows his TABLES! 🤣
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.
Want to hear a joke about construction?
Sorry, I'm still working on it.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"