Job jokes

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

I saw a kid crying and I asked him, "Where are his parents?"

God, I love working at orphanages!

I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage!

My grandfather died at Auschwitz.

Poor fella fell off the guard tower.

A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.

The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.

The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.

As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.

My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

Why did the manager hire the marsupial?

Because he was koala-fied!

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?

Snoozin' B. Anthony!

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Disabled man stands up.

Blind man: “You can stand?”

Deaf man: “You can see?”

Mute man: “You can hear?”

Disabled man: “You can talk?”

Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”

Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.