Job jokes
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her, "Don't worry, I used to work with kids."
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
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"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
I work at a movie studio.
Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.
The team:
Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”