Job jokes
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
What do you call someone who fixes walls?
Juan, probably.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
The man fired from the World Trade Center on September 10.
That is just plain wrong.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.
It got too out of hand and I got spanked.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
I work at a movie studio.
Unfortunately, the team I was working with was useless.
The team:
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
What is the difference between paying $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole and paying $175.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from an able-bodied bisexual white female who is also a sex worker at a glory hole?
If you give $50.00 to receive an anonymous blow job from a physically challenged gay white male who is also a sex worker at a glory hole you are saving yourself $125.00. 💸😁