It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.
Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" At the butcher shop"
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
