New Jail Jokes - Page 5 - Worst Jokes Ever

"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.

Trump can get banned. The cops can tack him to jail, and Trump go go go go bye bye for good. Trump is meing.

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A Small Medium at Large.

What's a prisoner's favorite game?

Hangman!

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

Did you hear about the bank robber?

Turns out he got shot by the police.

And he wound up in prison.

What do you call a pillow that has been on the bed for 20 years in jail?

A criminal! 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

Why did the MOSFET go to jail?

It had a charge for battery.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.

So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.

The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.

The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.

The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.

In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”