Ives jokes

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Alex Stokes says, "Kat, I've seen you eat many foods!"

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."

He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny 😆 and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work 👍!

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

Well what am I gonna do now...

Me be straight and bored.

Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.

Out up spending the rest of the night there.

About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.

):

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

One time I went to high-five someone. I've been left hanging ever since.

I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.