it's jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
Best way of abortion?
Beyblade abortion.
LET IT R.I.P.
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How do Americans learn the metric system?
9mm at a time. The problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
Why is it OK to hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.
It's a sad state of affairs.
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
I made a joke about unemployed people. It didn’t work.
What time is it when you get home and you can walk, walk? Eeeeeew!
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't make it a home run.