it's jokes

What day is Labor Day?

It's the day mommies have their babies.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

Having a stroke?

Stop it!

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Steven.

Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."

Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?

I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”

I built a website for an orphanage, but it had no homepage.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Why are orphans afraid of your orphanage?

Because I burnt it down!

Your hairline is so bad that it turned Wonder Woman into Failure Man.

Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Yo head so freaking small, people thought it was an expired grape.

What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"

What time is it when you say "bad day?"

Your mamma's so stinky that perfume leaks where she puts it on.

For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.

It's a very smart day today. I'd say it has about 30-45 degrees, with humidex.