it's jokes
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it comes back.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, and they want to kill them, but the Europeans beg to have their lives spared.
The Native Americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, “Shove it up your butt, if you laugh we kill you.” So, he shoves the peach up his butt and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs and the Native Americans kill him. They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, “I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?” The second guy says, “Oh yea, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
I was going to tell an Asian joke, but it's too Wong.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?
Because it looks like a g-nome.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I make phones for orphans. Sadly, it has no home button.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pizza?
One held its balance, the other two fell.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
Have you heard about kids with AIDS?
It never gets old.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.