it's jokes
Dark humor is like water; not everyone gets it.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
What is the difference between Black people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."
Why is it OK to hit an orphan?
Because they can’t tell their parents.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?
There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
"It's a purple face!" says Yellow Face.
"Oh! Racist!" says Purple Face.
Is "butt check" one word, or do I have to spread it?
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.