it's jokes
What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?
The subway guy didn’t get away with it...
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
Q: I wish my grass was emo.
A: Then it would cut itself.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.
At the end of the day, it's night.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!