it's jokes

What did an orphan say to its father?

Nothing.

Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.

Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, if you throw it hard enough.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

Why are basketball courts slippery?

Because the players dribble on it.

Your face looks like my butt, but it looks like you.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

What's an orphan's favorite website?

It has a homepage.

My field trip at school earlier:

Little Timmy (angrily): "I WANT MY IPAD!"

Ms. Melina: "We can have it at school if you turn your day around."

Little Timmy: "BUT I WANT IT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

Ms. Melina: "But we're heading back to school."

Little Timmy: "B**TCH, I HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING HOME!"

Little Timmy *starts banging the bus window*

Little Timmy: "THAT’S IT, I F**KING HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING TO CANADA!"

Ms. Melina: "TIMMY, STOP IT! THE SCHOOL IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT WINDOW IF YOU BREAK IT!"

Me: "Let’s just tell his family to move to Shadow Bay anyways because Red Oaks would be so f**king good for him."

*Window breaks*

Ms. Melina: "STOP THAT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"

Little Timmy: "BUT JEFFY AND JUNIOR ARE PICKING ME UP AND TAKING ME TO F**KING CANADA RIGHT NOW! LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!"

Ms. Melina: "THAT’S IT TIMMY, YOU'RE SO F**KING BUSTED! I’M CALLING MS. ALEJANDRA RIGHT NOW!"

The end.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

Jk: Jimin, why are you so small?

Jm: Excujjimi?

Jk: No offense, Jim.

Jm: Yah, call me hyung!

Jk: But I'm bigger.

Jm: I'm older!

Jk: I'm the top and you're the bottom, so I don't think it's right to call you hyung.

Jm:......

You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.